


Looking For A Place To Start

by IBoatedHere



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Slight Canon Divergence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-18 19:35:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7327519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IBoatedHere/pseuds/IBoatedHere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack wonders what they look like to people. If someone glances up and over to them will they think they’re a couple? Jack carrying a basket loaded down with butter and eggs and a package of tofu with his hand on Bitty’s back and Bitty standing so close, fingers pressing lightly to the soft skin of Jack’s arm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Looking For A Place To Start

Jack doesn't mean to stare. Really. But he can’t help it.

The guys are younger than he is but older than Bittle and so clearly a couple. 

They move around each other easily in the produce section. One goes to pick out red peppers while the other checks to see if there are any rotten strawberries hidden at the bottom of the container. One drops the peppers into the cart, leans around the other with his hands on his hips to read the shopping lists, squeezes, and is off again. 

Jack can’t look away at how easy it is for them. How they’re just living their life without worrying about what people think of them. 

It’s possible no one thinks anything of them because no one else is watching them. No one else seems to care. Everyone is going on with their day not caring at all that two men are in love in the middle of a Stop & Shop.

Jack wants that but he’s not sure he’s ever going to have it.

He’s been working forever to set himself up for a life far from anonymity. If things work out the way he’s planned he’ll never be able to set foot in public without someone recognizing him. It’s not a comforting thought but he figures it’ll be worth it as long as it goes with whispers of _“That’s Stanley Cup winner Jack Zimmermann.”_

That’s not even half the problem. 

The rest lies in not being able to find someone he wants to do this with. 

It’s finding someone who wants to do this with him. 

He comes with baggage, he knows, and it weighs him down. He doesn’t know he’ll find someone to help him lift it.

The couple kiss, briefly, the taller of the two laughs and pushes the shorter one away and still no one cares. 

Jack shouldn’t have agreed to come here.

“Tofu?” Bitty appears next to him carrying a basket weighed down with at least 15 pounds of butter. “Are you getting that?”

Jack looks down at his hands. At some point he picked up a package of extra-firm tofu. 

“Oh.”

“You know my mama thought she’d become a vegetarian about 5 years back. Oh lord, you should’ve heard the grief Coach gave her. She was real determined though. Even tried to grill it right next to his burgers and steaks. You can imagine how that went over. It wasn't half bad though. You should get it. I’m sure I could find a recipe for you. I think I can make pudding out of the softer stuff.”

“I don’t know.”

“Get it.” Bitty takes the package out of his hand. “It’s a good source of protein.” He winks and drops it in the basket. “You need anything else or are you ready to go?” 

Jack looks around. The couple is gone.

“I’m ready.” He makes a move to grab the basket out of Bitty’s hand but Bitty sways away. 

“I’m perfectly capable of carrying this on my own, thank you very much.”

“I know you are, but let me.”

Bitty lets the basket go with a roll of his eyes. They really should have gotten a cart.

Bitty keeps going with the tofu talk on the way to the register. He’s so caught up in a story about his mom trying to trick his aunt into eating it by telling her it tastes just like chicken that he’s not paying any attention to what line is the best.

Jack leads him over to the shortest one with his hand resting lightly on the small of his back and Bitty puts his hand on Jack’s forearm right below the bend of his elbow when he gets to a particular exciting part and Jack wonders what they look like to people. If someone glances up and over to them will they think they’re a couple? Jack carrying a basket loaded down with butter and eggs and a package of tofu with his hand on Bitty’s back and Bitty standing so close, fingers pressing lightly to the soft skin of Jack’s arm. 

It should bother him. He should move away and put space between them. 

The line moves and Jack moves Bitty forward with his hand on his back. 

 

******

 

The girl next to him laughs loud enough to draw the attention of everyone within ten feet of them. 

Jack’s been standing with his back against the wall nursing the soda in his cup and just barely carrying on a conversation with her. From here he has a clear view into the kitchen where Bitty is rolling out pie crust on the island.

When she laughs Bitty looks up and makes eye contact with him, smirks, then goes back to rolling out the dough. 

The girl stops laughing and frowns down into her cup.

“I’m all out,” she pouts and it’s obvious she wants him to go get her a refill. Instead Jack takes another slow sip from his cup and looks back to Bitty who is biting his lip to suppress a smile. She doesn’t seem offended but she also doesn’t seem to take the hint and leans up on her toes to whisper “I’ll be right back, don’t go anywhere,” before she’s off down the hall to find something to drink. 

Jack pushes himself off the wall and into the kitchen.

“I didn’t know you were that funny,” Bitty says as he lifts the dough into the pie tin. 

“I’m really not. It’s quiet in here.”

“Yeah, turns out people don’t want to hang out in here until the pies are made, not before.”

Jack thinks that’s stupid. They’re missing the best part. 

“Oh. Do you mind if I hang out in here for a little bit?”

Bitty blinks up at him and then moves all at once- dusting his hands off on his jeans, pulling out the stool at the end of the counter, putting a hand on Jack’s shoulder and easing him down.

“Hun, of course you can stay. You don’t have to ask me that. I’d love the company.”

“I don’t know what kind of company I’ll be.”

“Shush. You’re fine.” He’s back at his spot and beginning to peel apples into a bowl. The peel comes off in one long strand. “I had no idea this party would be as big as it is. I only made five pies but people blew right through them.”

“I don’t think anyone thought it would be like this.” Jack’s so transfixed on Bitty’s hands. He’s slicing the apple perfectly without even looking down at it. All his attention is on Jack. “But word got out and the Haus has a reputation.”

“That is does,” Bitty says softly, picking up another apple. He flexes his wrist like they’re cramping and that’s when Jack sees the faded scar, about three inches long from the base of his thumb to the back of his wrist.

He’s leaning over the counter and grabbing for him before he can think twice about it. He doesn’t even have beer or tub juice to blame it on. He can feel his face burning as his fingers wrap around Bitty’s thin wrist and thumbs over the mark. He’s in too deep to back out now. 

“Where’d you get this?”

“Oh.” Bitty slides his hip along the counter to move closer to Jack. “I was about five and the open oven door. My mama told me over and over again to stay out of the kitchen while she was cooking but I didn’t listen. I just wanted to be with her, ya know? I cried so hard. She didn’t even yell at me for not listening because she felt so guilty about it. Coach said it was a good lesson for me to learn and that it would keep me away from it.”

“But it didn’t.”

“Nope.” He pops the p and holds out his other hand. There’s an identical scar on it. “Four days later I was crying over this one. Mama gave up on keeping me out of the kitchen after that. She let me help her bake.”

“That’s how it all started?”

“Yup. With a bunch of tears.”

“My first time on the ice wasn’t exactly graceful.”

Bitty snorts. “I’m sorry but I have a hard time believing you weren’t born in skates.”

“Ha, hardly. The first time-.”

“There you are.” The girls is back with two full cups.

Jack didn’t even realize he was still holding onto Bitty’s wrist until he’s pulling away from him and sliding the bowl full of apples and the peeler at him. Jack manages to catch both of them right before they fall off the side.

“Nice catch,” Bitty whispers before he steps around him. Bitty has at least three inches on the girl and uses everyone of them as he situates himself between her and Jack with a hand on his hip.”I’m sorry but I just have to steal Jack away from you, sweetheart. Pies are in high demand and I have to get a little extra help.”

“Well, I could help out.”

“There’s really not enough room.”

The kitchen can fit the entire hockey team in it if it has to. 

“Frat house kitchens aren’t really known for their spacious accommodations.” Bitty wraps an arm around her shoulders and starts to lead her back towards the door. “Why don’t you go have fun and we’ll come get you when the pies are ready, okay? Okay.” 

When he turns around he rolls his eyes at Jack and pats him on the shoulder as he walks by. 

“Poor dear needs to learn how to take a hint.”

“What is it you southerners say? Bless her heart?”

“Jack Zimmermann,” Bitty says dramatically with a hand over his heart. “I am touched that you are learning to speak my language.”

“You might need to help me translate some of it. And thank you.”

Bitty waves a hand at him and begins mixing cinnamon and sugar together. “Don’t you worry about it. It was kind of fun actually. I got to be taller than someone other than Lardo for once. You need to keep attracting short people.”

Jack looks Bitty over and thinks, _I’m trying._

 

*******

 

“It's nice, don't you think?”

Bitty steps up next to him with two glasses of champagne in his hands. He holds one out to Jack who nods and takes it. 

They’re at another one of Lardo’s art exhibits and Jack has been staring at a black and white photo of a covered bridge for five minutes. 

“It’s okay.”

Out of the corner of his eye he can see Bitty beaming at him. 

“You hate it.”

Jack looks over at Bitty sharply. “I didn’t say that.”

“You don’t have it. It’s all over your face.”

Jack has been told plenty of times that he only has one face. 

“This is just how I look,” he says around a sip from the glass.

Bitty knocks his shoulder into Jack’s arm. “You do not. What would you do differently?”

“Nothing, it’s fine.”

“C’mon, Jack, let it out. I can tell it’s bothering you.”

He looks at him again. His smile is even wider now.

“It’s the angle,” Jack says around a deep sigh and Bitty bounces on his toes. “Too much sky and not enough bridge. If the bridge if your subject make it the subject. And a covered bridge is a little typical. So is the black and white. Are you happy now?”

“Extremely. It’s nice to see you talk about something you enjoy that isn’t hockey. Why don’t you enter some of your stuff in? I’ve seen it and it’s a lot better than this.”

“I don't know if I have enough time.”

“You're allowed to have more than one interest, Jack. You can be great at two things at once.”

“Photography is what I do for fun. Hockey is what I do.”

Bitty frowns and Jack wants to rephrase that. He loves playing hockey but it’s different. There’s more that goes along with it than just having fun. It’s so much more than that. He wants to make Bitty understand that but he’s not sure how. He wants to put the smile back on his face.

He curls his fingers around Bitty’s elbow and pulls him over to the next photo. There’s a rusty pickup in the foreground and a deserted gas station in the background. It’s in color.

“Okay, so this one….”

Bitty loops his arm around Jack’s and smiles. 

 

********

 

“You gotta get the fuck out of this room.”

“I need to study.”

“You have a month left. You’re grades are through the fuckin’ roof. Just fuckin’ coast like everyone else.”

Shitty grabs the book off Jack’s desk and Jack sighs. They’ve been going in circles around the same conversation for the past twenty minutes. There’s a party across campus. It’s probably going to be a total shit show but it could be a fun shit show. At least mildly amusing. 

“You know I don’t coast. I’m surprised you’re going. You hate other people’s parties.”

“Not true, man. Not true at all. Who am I to hate on something that is giving other people joy? Plus it might be good for you. Take your mind off of….you know.”

“Losing.”

“I didn’t want to say it but yeah. Everyone else is going. Rans and Holster have to bail early because they’re lame and have an 8 o’clock class. All the frogs are going.”

“It might be fun, Jack.” Bitty’s hovering in the doorway in navy blue shorts and a grey v-neck tee. He looks good. Jack could follow him around for a few hours.

“Alright, fine, I’ll go. But only for a little while.”

Bitty claps his hands and bounces. “That’s fine, Jack. That’s great. I’ll run downstairs and tell everyone to wait for you.”

Bitty doesn’t need to run. Jack’s not changing out of the jeans and t-shirt he’s wearing and he already has his shoes on. He sighs and stands and Shitty shakes his head.

“Un-fucking-believable. I’ve been up here forever trying to get you to go out and he just bounces in and you’re ready to go. I was _this close_ to getting down and begging you.”

Jack shrugs and grabs the sweatshirt off the back of his chair just in case. 

 

The party is loud and crowded. 

Everyone seems to have the same idea; blow off steam before finals start. 

Ransom and Holster disappear into the mass of people on a mission to scan the whole party to see if there’s anything worthwhile for them to spend their time on before they need to leave. 

Chowder follows Dex and Nursey around the perimeter, a step behind and eyes flashing between them as they bicker.

Lardo grabs Bitty’s hand and tugs him into the fray of bodies dancing to something with a heavy bass line. 

“See,” Shitty has to yell to be heard. “It’s not so bad.”

He can’t see Bitty anymore. 

“C’mom. Let's find you something to drink.”

Straight cranberry juice is pretty good. Watching Shitty almost get into a physical altercation with the bro that demands Jack mix vodka with it is better.

Jack puts his arm around Shitty’s shoulder in thanks when they walk away and Shitty clings to him like a koala. 

Lardo and Bitty have danced their way to the front of the crowd and Bitty is, unsurprisingly, surrounded by a group of guys. He’s talking closely with one, touching another on the shoulder, rolling his hips against a third. 

Lardo catches Shitty’s eye and says something to Bitty that has him waving his hand and nodding his head. She squeezes past Bitty and his current dance partner, a curly headed blond, as Bitty wraps his arms around his neck. 

She’s shining with a thin coat of sweat when she extracts herself from the mob but her eyeliner still looks perfect.

“He’s had a few. Each one of those guys brought him something. He’s doing alright but I think someone should keep an eye on him.”

“I’ll do it,” Jack says before Shitty can even nod in agreement.

“Alright, cool. He’ll probably dance himself out eventually but it probs wouldn’t hurt if someone made sure he ended up back at the Haus tonight, ya know?”

“I got it, no problem.”

“Sweet. I heard someone talking about flip cup. Wanna go show up some kids?”

“The real question is when don’t I?” 

Lardo takes off and before Shitty follows he turns to Jack. 

“You gonna be okay with that?”

“Yes.”

“Think you’ll need help?”

“No.”

“Alrighty then,” he claps Jack on the shoulder then walks off. 

Bitty is awkwardly graceful as he dances. Jack can’t look away so when Bitty glances over his shoulder their eyes meet.

He says something to the guy he’s dancing with and disentangles himself then makes a beeline to Jack and doesn’t slow down or pause before he’s launching himself into his arms.

“You’re still here! Are you having fun?” 

Bitty’s dance partner is watching them with interest so Jack swings Bitty around so he’s completely blocked from sight. 

“It’s okay.”

“Are you glad you came? I feel like we all ganged up on you.”

“If I didn’t want to be here I wouldn’t be.”

Bitty nods.

Jack holds onto his waist.

“Do you want to dance?” Bitty asks at the sametime Jack says “Do you want to go home?”

“I’m not much of a dancer,” Jack says. “I’d probably just embarrass you.”

“You could never embarrass me, Jack,” Bitty says, far too sober sounding and then adds “except for that time you tweeted _how to use twitter_. That wasn’t great.”

Jack laughs and Bitty giggles then leans his forehead against Jack’s chest. “We should go home,” Jack tells him and Bitty nods his head; soft blond hair tickling Jack’s chin. 

They’re only a block away from the party when Jack notices Bitty shivering with his arms crossed over his chest. Jack hands off his sweatshirt without saying anything but then has to help him into it. 

What Bitty lacks in coordination and speed he makes up for in enthusiasm. 

He’s talking loud and singing even louder as he trips over nothing and moves at a snail's pace down the sidewalk. 

The Haus seems so far and Jack’s having doubts about making it there before his 10a.m class unless he does something about it so he kneels down with his back to Bitty and tells him to climb on. 

“I can walk on my own, Mr. Zimmermann.”

“We’ve been walking for half an hour and have only made it two blocks, I disagree, Bittle.”

Bitty grumbles but climbs up. It does nothing to stop him from being sloppy and loud but at least they’re moving at a steady clip.

He alternates between singing something about being crazy in love in a full voice and whispering top secret peach cobbler recipes into Jack's ear, the latter of which makes Jack’s fingers tighten on the soft skin at the back of Bitty’s knees.

The front door is unlocked, thankfully, and Jack finds Ransom and Holster and every book they own spread out at the kitchen table. 

“Can one of you help me get him up the stairs?”

“How long have you been carrying him?”

“The whole way.”

“You made it all this way but can't go the last hundred yards? Weak, bro.”

“He's heavier than he looks.”

Bitty lifts his head off Jack’s shoulder to say “all muscle, baby,” then immediately drops it back down.

“I didn't have to go up a flight of stairs. I just need you to walk behind him to make sure he's not going to fall off.”

“I'm not gonna fall off,” Bitty slurs. He slips down a bit and Jack hikes him up, easily. It makes Bitty scramble to get a better grip around Jack's neck. 

“Holster, please.”

“Fine, fine. Let's get this lightweight to bed.” 

“M’not a lightweight.”

“That would be a lot more convincing if you could say that while lifting your head up.”

Bitty tries but it ends up hooked right back over Jack's shoulder. 

“You should carry him up bridal style, Zimmermann. That way he won't fall.”

“This is fine,” Jack says, grip tightening on the back of his knees. Bitty giggles and tries to kick him mumbling something about how it tickles. “Just watch my back.” 

Bitty twists around to look at Holster. “Look at his butt, Holster. Look. At. It.”

Ransom laughs at the kitchen table. “I love drunk Bitty.”

“Can we keep him?”

“I'm gonna be drunk forever.”

“No you won't,” Jack says, concentrating on taking each step and ignoring the feel of Bitty's breath right by his ear. 

“Seriously, look at his ass.”

“Bittle,” Jack says. 

“Bit-Tay!” Ransom yells. 

“Bits, from this angle there's not a lot else to look at,” Holster tells him and Bitty whines, high pitched and needy and Jack flashes hot all over. 

“I'm so jealous. Switch places with me.”

He attempts to do some kind of backwards flip down off Jack’s back that has Jack and Holster yelling and grabbing at him. Ransom ends up standing at the bottom of the stairs ready to help if needed. 

They get it under control. Holster has both hands on Bitty’s back and Jack is gripping so tight to his knees he's afraid he's going to leave bruises. 

Ransom mutters, “bridal style, man, bridal style,” before he gets back to the kitchen. 

Holster opens Bitty's door and Jacks nods a thank you to him letting him know he's got it from here. 

Bitty's gone quiet and soft behind him as he turns around to let him down on the bed. He almost thinks he's asleep but Bitty let's go without any prompting, unwinding his arms and dropping down to the mattress. 

Jack turns immediately and kneels between his legs to help him out of his shoes. 

Bitty makes a small gasping sound at their proximity and Jack doesn't dare look up at him until both sneakers are off and lined up next to the nightstand. 

When he does Bitty is looking at him all wide eyed and with wet, parted lips. 

Jack clears his throat and Bitty blinks. 

“Are you okay?”

“What?”

“Do you feel okay? You're not going to throw up, are you?”

“Oh.” Bitty covers his forehead with his hand and sighs. “No. I don't think. Thank you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry. Just maybe don’t drink so much next time and try to backflip off me while I’m carrying you up the stairs.”

“No. Not that. I’m not. Jack.”

“You are going to throw up aren’t you?”

He shakes his head and tips forward. Bitty wraps his arms around Jack’s shoulders and buries his face in Jack’s neck. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry we didn’t win for you and we let you down. I let you down. I should have been better.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I know how much you wanted to win and how disappointed you are. You deserved to win and if I had been better.”

“Hey,” Jack says firmly. He unhooks Bitty’s arm from around his shoulders and sits him back. “You did great. You’re great.”

“I could have been better.” He sniffles and a tear falls from the corner of his eye. “You tried so hard to make me better with all those extra practices and if I had had been better from the beginning I’d be better now and I could have played better and we might have won.”

Jack shushes him and shakes his head. “You’re not making a lot of sense right now.”

Bitty’s fingers dig into his shoulder as he says “I wanted you to win and I’m sorry we couldn’t do that for you” very clearly.

“Sometimes things just happen. It’s not anyone’s fault. We had a great season.”

“But I wanted you to win.”

“I want a lot of things, too, Bitty. I don’t get a lot of them,” he admits and Bitty frowns deeply and puts his hands on both sides of Jack’s face.

“You should get everything you want.” The tips of Bitty’s fingers brush across his ears. “You deserve to get everything you want, okay? Do you understand?”

“I got it,” he leans back out of Bitty’s grasp. “You should get some sleep.”

“Jack,” Bitty says sounding very serious and very sober. 

Jack stills. He has his hands on Bitty’s thighs and are moving them up to his hips to get him to move up the bed and lie down. 

“Jack,” Bitty repeats and Jack nods dumbly trying to figure out where his eyes should go. They go to Bitty’s eyes then down his lips then back up again. He watches his mouth move when he asks “Am I going to be drunk forever?”

Jack shakes himself from his stupor and rolls his eyes. He can’t believe how caught up he is. “No. You’re going to be just fine in the morning.”

Bitty makes a noise of disbelief and resistuates himself with his head against the pillow. Jack reaches around him for the stuffed rabbit he always pretends he doesn’t see when he comes into his room and tucks it under his arm. 

“You’re going to be something in the morning but you won’t be drunk forever.”

Bitty’s eyes are already closed so Jack lets himself look him over. He brushes his hair back and Bitty sighs and leans into the touch. 

 

When he comes back from his run in the morning Shitty and Lardo are lying on the floor and couch, respectively. The door slams and Shitty extends his arm straight up to flip him off and Lardo throws a pillow at him.

Ransom and Holster have already left for their class so he’s not expecting Bitty to be leaning against the edge of the stove with a spatula in one hand and a mug of coffee in the other.

“I thought you’d still be asleep.” Jacks careful to keep his voice soft but Bitty still winces. 

“I wanted to make you breakfast.”

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“I really did.” He slides a full plate of pancakes over to him followed by a full bottle of real maple syrup. “These are ‘I'm sorry for what I said about your butt when I was drunk’ pancakes.” 

“Ha. You remember that?” 

“Yes. Unfortunately.”

“You don’t have to be embarrassed. There’s nothing you could say about my ass that I haven’t already heard from Shitty.”

“I guess that’s true,” Bitty says but he still looks uncomfortable. “Even so, you were so nice to me last night I had to do something for you.”

“You really didn’t-.”

“Hey, don’t argue with a boy with a hangover, okay?”

 

After breakfast Jack goes upstairs and finds his sweatshirt folded on the bed. 

 

******

 

“Bittle, hey. Oh. Hi. Sorry.”

Bitty spins around in his desk chair and presses a button on his laptop. 

“Hi.”

“Sorry, we're you doing your video thing?”

“Yeah but it's okay. I can pause it. What do you need?”

“My mom wants to do this collage thing with pictures of me when I was growing up and I'm trying to pick out the best ones. I think I need help.”

“You have all your baby pictures?”

“I took Shitty home for Christmas a few years ago and he demanded to see them. My mom let him take these. I've kept them hidden so he couldn't make copies and stick them all over the walls.” 

“You know there are a lot of baby pictures of you online.” 

“These are more incriminating.”

“More incriminating than pooping in the Stanley Cup?”

“You have no idea.” 

Bitty makes grabby hands towards the photo albums and Jack sits down on his bed. 

“Oh, Jack,” Bitty says and Jack can guess exactly what picture he's looking at. “I still think you were cute.”

“I was hideous.”

“No you won't. Stop saying that. You were cute. You had character. Plus it wouldn't be fair if you,” he waves his hand in Jack’s direction, “looked the way you look your whole life. It's nice to know that for a little while we were all on the same playing field.” 

Jack leans forward to watch the twitching of Bitty’s lips as he flips through the album. There are already freckles dotting across the bridge of his nose and across his cheeks from the spring sun and Jack knows when Bittle comes back in the fall there will be more and that he won’t be there to see them. 

“Hold still.” Jack cups the side of his face with one hand and presses the tip of his index finger to Bitty’s cheek. Bitty takes a sharp breath. Jack’s hands don’t shake as he holds the eyelash right in front of him.

“Eyelash,” he says and Bitty darts his hand up to hold onto his wrist. 

“I have to make a wish. Haven’t you heard that?”

Jack holds very still as Bitty shuts his eyes.

“What are you going to wish for?”

Bitty opens one eye. “Shhh.”

With a gentle puff of breath the eyelash is gone. 

“What did you wish for?”

“It's a secret.”

“Then how will I know if it came true?”

The look on Bitty's face is calm and fond as he slides his hand up to Jacks and threads their fingers together. 

“You’ll know.”

Jack squeezes his hand and leans in.


End file.
